• After falling just short of finishing Blog Every Day in May, I needed an almost-well-earned break.
• During Blog Every Day in May I discovered that good things can come, even from a writing prompt I despise. And that nothing good will come when I’m truly feeling uninspired.
• Photos were taken from my run the other day. I think a lot of Chicagoans have a nasty habit of forgetting that Chicago is a city on a body of water. Every time I run by the lake I’m rather surprised to find it there. Helloooo beautiful!
• The guy with the bike in the photo above spent a bunch of time taking pictures of his bike with the Chicago skyline in the background. At first I thought he was going for a good shot to post with a Craigslist ad or something for his bike. But he just. kept. going. So now I’m thinking he’s in some sort of brotherhood of a traveling bike and he needed to take photos to show the other members where the bike had traveled. I wonder where it’s headed next…
• In the slow process that is O moving in, I discovered a bag chalk full of back up loofahs stuffed under the sink. The man is nothing if not prepared.
• In a burst of inspiration for Project: Make My Office a Happy Place, I spent a small fortune on office supplies on Etsy last week. Now I get the joy of waiting for all of my goodies to arrive…
• If you also need to cheer up your office, may I recommend this, this, and of course ALL OF these.
• Last week my adult dance company performed at (1) a children’s dance recital, (2) a high school talent contest, and (3) a year end orchesis showcase. We’re too cool for school guys.

^^I hope with everything I have that Jack & Pam are still happy, together, and that they have enough loofahs.

In the sticky (rather privileged) land of the quarter-life-crisis there’s almost too much “letting go” happening. It’s like childhood is being torn from your eyes and heart completely against your will. Looming adulthood and decisionhood and responsibilitihood are standing right in front of you, and you no longer have naps or summers spent at the water park to hide behind.

Even while stumbling through all of this “letting go” I am still actively trying to let go of a childhood trait that continues to haunt me. Because I know IF I can do it, I’m more likely to get what I want out of life. And I think that’s the point of the quarter-life crisis. Letting go of childhood safeties and for once thinking on your own and deciding what you want.

I’m trying to let go of being agreeable.

I grew up in a household of big personalities. And I love ‘em. (To this day I have a special admiration for anyone with a big personality. Being all you and pushing the limits? THAT is living!)

But as such I developed a bad habit early on of being as agreeable as possible. I thought that if I could shrink down my own personality as much as possible then we’d have some extra room in the car for the big ones. Opinion on where to go to dinner? Oh no, whatever is fine with me! What movie do you want to watch? All of them sound great! What is your favorite color? Whatever color anyone else hasn’t taken!

I do think being agreeable is a good thing. Agreeable light can mean that you are nice and accommodating and even just friendly. But agreeable extreme can mean sacrificing your own preferences, opinions, and even what you believe is just and fair to the will of the crowd.

There have been quite a few instances in which agreeable extreme has not served me well. Past relationships in which I had virtually no power and never dared to express an opinion. Times when I’ve been paying for a product or service and not dared to point out that something was wrong. Accepting jobs or projects that I don’t care to do or in which I was greatly underpaid.

It’s so innate in my system that if you ask where I want to go to dinner tonight it’s likely that I have virtually no idea. My opinion-forming muscle is just that withered and neglected.

Rather than being a tool to make life smoother, agreeable extreme has served as a parasitic conflict avoidance tactic that just makes me end up being subject to the wills of others. Nasty bugger.

So I’m trying. Whether it be contributing to the discussion on dinner, going through pains to actually express how I feel even if it results in a fight, or contemplating adjusting a career path which brings my friends and family so much joy but leaves me wanting.

It may be pretty far in the future, but I am really looking forward to the day when agreeable extreme is no longer hanging out above my head. When it is let go. And I am just me. Conflicts and all.

Image ’Nigerian Children Dance’ by Jacob Holdt

Day 30, Thursday: Letting go.

Graduation season! I have almost no connection to it this year, but it’s still exciting. The possibilities. Recognizing you’ve grown. Deciding what to do with the rest of your life. Fun, light stuff.

And as overrated as graduation speeches are, oh my gosh I love them. There aren’t that many times in life where we stop to audibly recognize when a life changing event is occurring, and then give people tips on how to proceed. Once I am queen of the world, such speeches will occur at every life moment. Start a new job? Inspiring speech! Preggers? Inspiring speech! Use the big girl potty for the first time? Inspiring speech!

When I graduated from my über-liberal college they got us a very big-deal political speaker, who spent the whole speech talking about war. I mean, war is very important issue in the U.S., and something we need to be aware of, but come ooooon. Where were my big sweeping, inspiring generalizations on how to live a successful and happy life?

Sort of second best, the Harvard Business Review put together a list of advice some successful people had wish they heard at graduation. Here are some of my favorites:

The key to success (scientifically speaking) is perseverance. You’ve just got to hang in there — there’s no other way to win. But how do you do it? A great way to be more resilient is to stop comparing yourself to other people, and compare yourself to your own past performance — last week, last month, last year. Are you improving? That’s the only question that matters.

—

The tough, thorny problems are the most valuable ones, but most people will shy away from the challenge. Solve these problems.

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Understand the way your mind works in relation to motivation. Money, a fancy title, a prestigious firm — these are what are known as extrinsic factors. Your friends and family can see them, you can put them on a resume, or discuss them in a job interview. But these visible, extrinsic factors are not a source of contentment. Rather, the research suggests they’re actually a source of discontentment — when they’re absent…

True motivation relies on a very different set of factors: they’re intrinsic in nature, much harder to measure, and may even be unique to you. Being given the opportunity to shoulder responsibility and work independently. The ability to learn and grow. And, perhaps most important of all, doing something you think is meaningful.

—

Begin with the end in mind: Who do you want to be? What legacy do you want to leave to our world, you partner, your children? Second, always do what you enjoy. Many times “success” will lead you to promotions which will become the envy of your friends, while leaving you empty and pulling you away from what you really love to do. Periodically assess what you are doing, find out what you don’t like to do, and just stop doing it. Finally, surround yourself with the best by proactively and carefully choosing your partner, your friends, your boss, your colleagues. You can’t do it alone, and in great company even the toughest times magically become glorious journeys.

Read the full article here.

Day 25, Sunday: Something you read online.

Image from the one and only: Seuss

“I thought that you were the most stuck up person I had ever met!“

- Said my good friend, years after having made said judgment

Continues to this day to be the thing that pushes me to be friendlier with new people. With mixed results of success.

Day 25, Saturday: Something someone told you about yourself that you’ll never forget.

Historically Accurate Belle by Claire Hummel

Ok! Back on track after a three day vacay. Sometimes life just… (as everyone has one of these lives, I’m assuming that sentence doesn’t need a finish…)

Ironic coming back today, because I’ve been stressing about this prompt since the start of Blog Every Day In May.

Expose my worst bits on the internet? Yeah sure ok.

It’s very tempting to just go interview-style on this question: I pay too much attention to detail! I’m too dedicated to my work! I just can’t stop organizing!

But in the interest of sincerity, I’ve decided to be brave and go with the truth. But to save some face I’ve added how I’m working on each at well. And golly, I’d love pointers if you have any.

Despite the picture above, gluttony does not make the top three.

Passive Aggressive

I only recently renewed my drive to work on this. The day after a heated conversation with O, I realized I’d been passive aggressive like whoa (something I thought I had worked on in the past), so I asked O: Am I passive aggressive?

Obviously I expected him to hem and haw over the answer, but no, he stated very matter-of-factly: Yup.

Oy.

So, back in to working on it. Learning to express everything I’m feeling rather than crunching down those feelings I deem “unreasonable.” Because feelings are stubborn buggers. They will find a way to escape no matter what I do.

Insensitive

Have you ever taken the Myers Briggs test? I’m mildly obsessed. It was a real eyeopener when I learned my personality type (INTJ) back at the beginning of college, and I think it’s continued to further my understanding of myself.

Awkwardly, people with my personality type are frequently labeled as arrogant, insensitive jerks. (My favorite/the most heartbreaking link I found may have to be the one in which a woman bravely asks the internet whether her boyfriend is acting in normal-INTJ fashion or whether he is simply a jerk. Maybe not mutually exclusive girlfriend…)

I’m completely guilty of this. The feelings of others can frequently be an afterthought for me, and I’m far more quick to give critiques than praise.

As much as I would love to just tell people “It’s not my fault! I’m an INTJ! You know how adorably jerk-y we are!”…it is completely my fault.

I try now to actively think about the feelings of others before I speak (especially when talking to those I know I frequently burn). O has actually come in as a phenomenal jerk-meter measuring my interactions with others (“Yeah Sarah… that was just…not ok.”), but the poor guy could probably use someone stepping in and measuring the jerk-y-ness of my interactions with him as well. Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming…

Self-Centered

Oddly, this is the most painful one of me to admit but maybe the most obvious one. Shocker, the girl that writes a blog about herself is a bit self centered, right? (I know, I know, I snuck “a bit” in there…)

But I do think it’s one of the worst traits a person can have. There’s so much going on in the world, how much are you missing and who are you harming when your default is to focus on yourself as the center of the universe? Bluck.

Much like insensitiveness, I feel like the only way to work on this is to actively think about it. When talking to people I try to pause and do a mental tally of who we’ve been talking about more. Interrogation is an important part of my career, so I can always turn to that skill if we need to talk about them more. Once in awhile this results in a normal, healthy conversation.

Day 24, Friday: Your top three worst traits.