I’ve decided to raise a white flag and declare now a rough patch.
Because really, it’s been a bit rough.
It makes me kind of sad and nostalgic to think how excited O and I were on New Year’s Eve this year. Like stereotypical young people in love we listed off all of the BIG, GREAT things 2013 could bring. The year would be EPIC. Better! It would be EPICALLY EPIC.
That was less than two months ago! But so far? 2013 has actually kind of sucked. Both O and I have encountered challenges that we knew might be a possibility, but didn’t want to believe they’d come to fruition. Then, just when those challenges were getting heavy, new unexpected problems came to light. A lil’ ole salt in the wound. Or a twist of the dagger. Ew.
Someone recently suggested to me that “Maybe 2013 is just going to suck.” My immediate reaction was offense. Girl, I’m barely two months in to this shizzle and you’re cursing me to 10 more months of shit?
Her point though may have been more about accepting that now is the official period of The Suckiness, writing it off, and recognizing that the future can and will be different and better.
I’ve always been one to work very hard at being positive. To put every iota of my being into being happy. This could mean spending hooooours and daaaays decorating a room ‘just so’ because I know it’ll make me happy everytime I look at it. It also means signing up for every class and obligation in sight because I know the busier and more engaged I am, the happier I am. I’m very conscious of how short life is and that to not enjoy it and be happy is a sort of waste. I take pride in how hard I work at being happy. Because it legitimately is work sometimes.
But right now, in the middle of The Suckiness, my efforts at happiness are just layering on added stress. In addition to dealing with the challenges in front of me, I’m also disappointed in myself for feeling so shitty. As if the original challenges themselves weren’t bad enough.
So I am throwing up my hands and admitting defeat. I won’t try any less to be happy, but I’m no longer going to be disappointed myself if I’m not happy. Things kind of suck right now, and I have a right to feel a bit down. Because while now we have The Suckiness, it won’t be here forever.
And goodness do I hope that it won’t be here for aaaaall of 2013. Sheesh.